(This was originally written by me in 1997)
I’m Only Happy When I Shop!!!!
This page is here for the sole purpose of qualifying me for any one of the wonderful offers, hand-outs, services, drawings, and even status upgrades as a card carrying member of the human species.
You too can join in the fun and excitement of evolving out of the quagmire of mundane natural human existance and move INTO existential shopping cart bliss of consumerism.
Some of us remember the days when the Internet used to be more like a nice wide country road, where traffic was low, and the scenery was nice. There was a lack of NO TRESPASSING signs around its vast reaches, no TOLL BRIDGES, no SPEED BUMPS, and no GOLD RUSH. In those days, people were sincere, independent, and adventurous. These days, it’s all about money.
So I realized it was time to move into the city. Get away from all that damned nature, all that space, all that quiet and solitude. I want progress! I want speed! I want stuff! I want glamour, I want someone to tell me how to live my life. I want to be WIRED into it all, so I no longer have to listen to my own thoughts, or have to deal with creative/destructive urges without the pre-fab notions of aesthetique poured into my synapses at every waking moment in this media-driven culture.
It’s hard to believe we, as a species, survived as long as we did without all the ‘necessities’ of our modern world. What would we do if we didn’t have Prime Time television to keep those darn kids off the streets? Notice how since we now have things like MTV, or the Discovery Channel to keep their minds and eyes busy, we no longer have to worry about them protesting, or activating, or DOing much more than watching television. All the game machines, programs, and entertainment we have going these days helps keep all that extra energy in check.
No, without a doubt, we’ve finally gotten ourselves into a cultural situation where everyone is happy and comfortable to think alike. Who was that idiot who said “when everyone thinks the same, thinking has stopped?” People like that ought to be crucified, or gassed, or lynched.